<\/a> \u201cEnough.\u201d She patted his shoulders. \u201cYou’ve enough to take in, for now. Return to yourself, more enlightened than you were.\u201d<\/p>\nFor a moment Jisarr just stayed where he was, mind racing. Much of what he’d known about himself and his past had dependent on a notion that now no longer seemed so definite; with that one little shift, so much needed to change.<\/p>\n
\u201cTake a few moments to adjust,\u201d Rima encouraged. \u201cIndeed, you may find yourself physically unsteady if you try to do anything but. It will pass.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jisarr took a breath. \u201cI… did what I had to do,\u201d he said, as much to himself as to her.<\/p>\n
\u201cTo survive, yes, that’s my impression.\u201d<\/p>\n
His ears tilted forward. \u201cBut I did what I could, too. I tried to make things better.\u201d That<\/i> was the thing he’d found so easy to lose sight of. \u201cMy consorts were the most personal of it, but\u2026 there were other cases, too. Whenever I saw a choice that I thought the Dukes would accept, I took the gentler course.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rima’s ears flicked an acknowledgement. \u201cThat is the impression your consorts gave me, yes.\u201d<\/p>\n
He sighed. \u201cMaybe there was more I could have done, maybe I could have reached out to someone, displaced the Dukes that much sooner…\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBeware the clarity of hindsight,\u201d she warned. \u201cDid you have any hint that there was<\/i> any sort of organized opposition, much less something strong enough and coherent enough to take power in Aynithral itself?\u201d<\/p>\n
He dug through his memories, trying to find some indication, some clue that he might have followed up on\u2026 and came up empty-handed. Oh, he could surmise<\/i> that people would be unhappy with the way of things, but Rima was correct; it was quite a leap from that to an actual armed uprising. He conceded the point with an outward flick of his hands.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo what’s next?\u201d he wondered. \u201cI still don’t know what to do<\/i> with my life, not in anything but the broadest terms.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd what are those?\u201d Rima challenged. \u201cWhat goals do you have for your life, right now?\u201d When he hesitated, she went on, \u201cPut more broadly \u2013 what would you have people say about you, in the fullness of time?\u201d<\/p>\n
That was a scope he could answer, somewhat. \u201cThat their world was better for me being in it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA difficult, if noble, aspiration even with a few specific people,\u201d Rima praised. \u201cBut you must know there are some<\/i> people whose vision of the world you’d rather not further.\u201d<\/p>\n
Like, say, the ones who would send an assassin against a young man they no longer found a convenient mouthpiece? Jisarr grimaced, flicking his ears. \u201cTrue enough. I don’t hold so much favour for those who would think nothing of harming others to further themselves \u2013 or who would find it a good thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
A chuckle. \u201cHowever it was it happened, you’ve come through what could have been a venomous upbringing with a respectable notion of virtue. It might not have been their intent, but the old Dukes seem to have made you into one of their staunchest opponents.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHero of legend I am not,\u201d Jisarr scoffed.<\/p>\n
\u201cMost of us aren’t,\u201d was her retort. \u201cThat’s why they’re legends. And don’t forget that legends grow in the telling. The actual deeds of the figures that populate our storybooks, if indeed they happened at all, probably didn’t seem so dramatic at the time. But sometimes one simple deed is enough to change lives \u2013 be they many or just a few.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was something about the way she said that that made Jisarr twist around to look at her. \u201cWhat are you getting at?\u201d<\/p>\n
Rima’s head tilted slightly. \u201cYou’ve certainly made life better for your consorts. And for all you’ve punished yourself for speaking the word that sent Dren to the deep cells, he knew you fondly enough to endure through his treatment there, and he’s made strides since his release that I’d not have thought possible if I hadn’t been keeping myself involved with his progress.\u201d She touched his shoulder. \u201cThere are many sorts of bravery, Jisarr. You showed one when you confronted the Dukes \u2013 make no mistake, to go in there largely untrained and ill-equipped to defend yourself, all in the hopes of averting further bloodshed, was a brave thing to do, and certainly heroic enough for the staff and servants there. Without your intervention, first in leading a force into the gallery and again, as I heard it, facing down the captain of Duke Antani’s guard, many more would likely have died that cycle. But when you were convinced that you didn’t deserve Dren’s good regard, yet you pushed through shame and guilt to do for him whatever you could \u2013 that was bravery of another sort. What you don’t deserve is the unhappy lot to which you seem to have consigned yourself. You’ve suffered enough. Let it go.\u201d<\/p>\n
A brave thing? Really? He certainly hadn’t felt<\/i> brave, creeping through the tunnels with iron pressing down all around him.<\/p>\n
But it seemed the people around him were determined to see some<\/i> good in him, and rather than dismiss their words, didn’t he owe it to them to at least consider it? True, he’d been scared and anxious \u2013 but though there was some awareness, at the time, that he was in danger, some of that fear hadn’t been for his own sake. It was for the innocent lives at stake.<\/p>\n
And afraid or not, he’d kept going. He’d done it. Just like he’d made himself tend to Dren in spite of his shame.<\/p>\n
Huh. Looking back on the day of the battle, at least, his actions that day actually felt good<\/i>. He had<\/i> made a positive difference there, when lives were truly on the line.<\/p>\n
If he’d been wrong about himself then, what else might he have mistaken?<\/p>\n
He drew a breath. \u201cDo you think I’m… doing the right thing, with Dren?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was your lover before he was imprisoned,\u201d she mused. \u201cPerhaps a return to that is precisely what he needed. At any rate, I think you’ve been doing the best thing available. That you feel guilt for it is good evidence that you’re doing it for the right reasons\u2026 whatever conclusion I may have first jumped to.\u201d<\/p>\n
Still it seemed like such a self-serving thing; he shook his head. \u201cI wish I could be certain he’d chosen<\/i> me, not\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
When he trailed off, she cut in, \u201cWhat makes you think he didn’t? Yes, his need has been unnaturally amplified, but he still resisted it. Certainly none of those who brought him here drew any positive response \u2013 and at least a few of them were male, so it isn’t only an aversion to women. Which, by the way, seems to be steadily waning; time in a hospitable place is doing much to mend his psyche. Recall, too, that simply hearing your name cut through his fear \u2013 which, at first, your presence did not.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was half-mad with fear when I opened that door,\u201d Jisarr countered. \u201cI don’t think he’d have received anyone<\/i> fondly, just expecting more abuse.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFair.\u201d She tilted his head. \u201cNevertheless, make no mistake \u2013 once he recovered from the worst of that, what remained of him,<\/i> rather than the half-feral creature he’d been made, longed to be reunited with you.\u201d A wistful expression touched her face. \u201cWhich I could well believe, now I’ve had time to learn more.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat have I done that’s so appealing?\u201d He shook his head in disbelief. It just seemed so hard to grasp, almost preposterous.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou’ve a kind heart, for one thing. I’d been told that,<\/i> at length. Touching your mind confirmed it \u2013 and before he had that accursed collar on him, Dren would have been feeling you that way even without thinking of it.\u201d She caught his hand and gave it a squeeze; if she noticed how he tensed in spite of his best efforts, she didn’t comment. \u201cHe knows<\/i> you to be kindly, whatever you may think of the things necessity has driven you to do. Perhaps he doesn’t quite connect you, his lover, with you, who sat in judgement over him. And,\u201d she shushed him before he could object, \u201cit’s not as though you’d have made the same judgement without<\/i> the looming threat of a death like your father’s, is it?\u201d<\/p>\n
Jisarr shivered \u2013 half from remembered fear and half from revulsion. \u201cCertainly not.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd that<\/i> is the person he longed to be reunited with,\u201d she concluded, then smirked. \u201cThough there was probably another, simpler aspect to it as well.\u201d<\/p>\n
He blinked. \u201cHow so?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell. While I can’t speak for your performance as a lover \u2013 yet,\u201d she interjected with a sizzling grin, \u201cyou are, at least, quite<\/i> appealing to the senses.\u201d<\/p>\n
His ears flushed, tilting back some. \u201cI can’t take much credit for that,\u201d he protested. \u201cIt’s not like I’ve had much chance to do much else<\/i> with my life.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I’d welcome a chance to learn what you’ve gained from that experience,\u201d she purred.<\/p>\n
She’d said earlier that she couldn’t be much more open about her interest without propositioning him. Well, if that<\/i> wasn’t a proposition, he wasn’t sure what would be. He swallowed, thoughts racing. This time, it wouldn’t be fair to just let it slip by without answering<\/i> it.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt’s\u2026 hard,\u201d he managed, \u201cto shake the impression I first got of you. I can’t edit my thoughts like you can.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd on that point, it wouldn’t be right for me to help it along.\u201d Rima dipped her head. \u201cBut do you want<\/i> to go past that\u2026 false start?\u201d<\/p>\n
He’d thought she loathed him. Some part of him still<\/i> expected her to repudiate him. It was only with difficulty that he could keep from cringing when she drew close to him.<\/p>\n
He was sick of living in fear.<\/p>\n
\u201cI do,\u201d he breathed.<\/p>\n
\u201cPerhaps a dramatic lesson is exactly what you need,\u201d she said just as softly.<\/p>\n
\u201cClear proof of how things truly are, hmm?\u201d He’d never heard of object lessons for positive<\/i> things. Now he smiled a bit crookedly. \u201cNot that I’ll be quite at my best \u2013 when I was courting a consort before, I could offer some concrete tokens of my regard. I suppose I’ll have to make do without, now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA key part of the experience?\u201d she asked, voice thick with amused irony.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere was<\/i> more to my life with them than the physical act of sex,\u201d he said just as archly. \u201cBut if I can’t do what I want, I’ll do what I can, hmmm?\u201d He reached over to nudge her nose with a fingertip, grinning. \u201cIsn’t that what you’ve been trying to get through my skull?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMore or less,\u201d Rima chuckled, and nuzzled his finger. \u201cOr at least that’s an important part of it. So what can<\/i> you do, then?\u201d<\/p>\n
What he did, first, was cover the light. She’d already got a few good looks at him,<\/i> and for his part, he liked exploring a new partner with other senses than sight. There was another reason he liked the dark, but it wasn’t quite<\/i> relevant yet.<\/p>\n
The wrap he had on now was a simple thing, not at all like the many-layered things he wore by habit in the Deep. It was swiftly and easily set aside as he made his way back to the faint shimmer of a living being in his stone-sense. The rustle of cloth told him she was following his lead.<\/p>\n
He brushed past her, fingers brushing her shoulder, tail trailing against her side; and as he sidled around her, her tail curled in against his. It was a good, comfortable feeling; and as they stepped past one another, he caught a whiff of her scent.<\/p>\n
Scent was easy, comfortable. It was the sight of her that he’d found so hard to separate from the memory of anger and hatred. The scent of her \u2013 feminine, clean, in every way appealing \u2013 didn’t awaken any of those feelings.<\/p>\n
No, the scent of her was quite welcoming indeed.<\/p>\n
Turning, he brought his fingers upwards. It was common enough to keep one’s jewelry with a lover. The only such piece left to Jisarr was one that would have been awkward at best to remove, to say nothing of conspicuous in its absence. Rima didn’t have a great deal of such ornamentation herself, just that circlet \u2013 would she have set it aside with her clothing, or\u2026? No, his fingers brushed metal as they slid over her brow, moving on to caress her ear, then down to rub behind it. She leaned into the contact with a pleased sigh, ear flicking just a little.<\/p>\n
Once his tail had slid past and free of hers, he turned inward, slipping in right behind her, hands spreading against her sides. She wasn’t particularly large as Crandil women went, but under the fine fur she was surprisingly heavyset, quite muscular \u2013 one wouldn’t have known by the feel of her that her life’s work was of the mind. It made for quite a contrast to the relatively sedate lovers he’d had in the past. He slid his arms around her and pulled in a bit closer, hands splayed over her chest, taking in the feel of her, with his tail coiling loosely around their legs.<\/p>\n
Her<\/i> tail was a bit more direct. It slid between his legs and curled up along his back and over his shoulder, and as it wrapped around his body it also pressed up against his balls.<\/p>\n
Groaning, he pushed up against her that much harder, feeling himself stiffen against her thigh. She responded with a soft chuckle, twisting somewhat in his arms, nuzzling over his ears. Her warm breath wafted over them as she whispered, \u201cThere<\/i> you are.\u201d<\/p>\n
So she liked the feel of him hardening against her leg, did she? Maybe he’d been going about this the wrong way \u2013 instead of a stately sort of dance, perhaps he ought to try something more direct in turn. \u201cHere I am,\u201d he panted. \u201cWould you care for a closer examination?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI rather think I would,\u201d she purred. When his grip on her relaxed, so too did her tail loosen around him, and as she stepped forward and turned to face him, that sinuous length drew between his thighs, sliding against his pouch all the way.<\/p>\n
By the time it pulled free of him completely, there was definitely a crimson glimmer starting to awaken on his stiffening flesh. It wasn’t enough to make anything else visible, not even in the pitch darkness, but as the only light present it certainly drew eyes quite well \u2013 hers as well as his, to judge by the pleased sound she made even before her fingers found his shaft and curled around it, thumb giving a nudge to the hoop that pierced him.<\/p>\n
If she made any further sound at that point, it was obscured from his ears by the rumbling groan slipping from his own throat.<\/p>\n
She didn’t quite block out all the glow \u2013 not where it went up onto the crown of his shaft, certainly. What was visible of the rest came and went as she stroked him, coaxing him all too willingly to full attention, by which point he was glowing bright enough to make a faint corona of red fur visible around her fingers.<\/p>\n
\u201cFeeling somewhat more comfortable now?\u201d she murmured over his ears, giving his length a good, firm squeeze.<\/p>\n
\u201cSomewhat,\u201d he replied with a laugh, rocking against her fingers. \u201cThough I can think of a way to be even more so.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo can I.\u201d And with that, she slung her free arm around him and tugged him bodily toward the bed.<\/p>\n
They landed in a tumble, tails twisting together, and then she was every inch in control. She wound up atop him, nose to nose, and moments later she was around him, wet heat wrapping around the crown of his shaft and plunging onto him. It was so sudden, so unexpected, that he let out a rather undignified squeak \u2013 but he wasn’t about to actually complain. He mustered what leverage he could and rose to meet her.<\/p>\n
She rode him for a delicious stretch of time, then they tumbled over and he was on top, with her hands on his hips urging him into an even brisker rhythm. Then on their sides, squirming together \u2013 and it was then that she gripped his shoulders strong enough for her claws to dig in through his fur, bit down on the scruff of his neck, and squeezed hard around him.<\/p>\n
That was all he<\/i> needed. He shoved in as deep as he could, muffled a cry against her shoulder, and set to pumping into her.<\/p>\n
It was intense, but also fairly quick; a half dozen breaths later, he lifted his head somewhat, nuzzling at her jaw, as the rhythms of his body began to slow. She was still trembling against him, but calming as well; so he drew a hoarse breath and said, \u201cThat was not at all<\/i> like my usual. But if you enjoyed it half as much as I, I should be proud of it. Thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, I enjoyed it quite well indeed,\u201d she purred, stroking his ears. \u201cYou’ve a good feel to you, a good rhythm, and by the Deeps,\u201d she laughed, \u201cwith what you’ve been up to of late, I’m half-surprised you had so much in you!\u201d<\/p>\n
A surge of guilt swept through him; he reflexively tried to keep it off his face, but didn’t feel entirely successful, moot though the darkness made it. \u201cI\u2026 possibly should have ensured Dren was comfortable before indulging myself.\u201d He took another breath, and shook his head. \u201cBut surely if there was an emergency, even with what we had planned<\/i> for this piece of time, Tavi would have found a way to make it known.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA tap at the door would have given me plenty of notice to gently disengage,\u201d Rima concurred, ruffling between his ears. \u201cYour concern does you credit; you count an obligation to him, and you want to do right by him.\u201d<\/p>\n
For all she’d said some cycles back of being envious, at least she wasn’t viciously jealous.<\/i> \u201cI do, on both counts,\u201d he granted, pushing himself up a little and giving his hands room to move, sweeping over her chest, gently kneading. \u201cBut by all that is dear, I haven’t had someone so unambiguously eager for me, specifically, in far<\/i> too long. I missed it more than I knew.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs Dren not so eager as that?\u201d<\/p>\n
There was something in the willworker’s voice that spoke of serious concern, so he gave it serious thought. \u201cNot in quite the same manner, I don’t think. Oh, I’ve been convinced that it’s not only a physical urge that drives me to him, but\u2026\u201d He shook his head. \u201cHe simply hasn’t been that energetic.<\/i> It’s a small difference, really\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPerhaps he needs to know you truly want him,<\/i>\u201d Rima offered. \u201cAs a lover and not only an obligation.\u201d<\/p>\n
That<\/i> sounded very close to what Tavi had said about the sort of lover Dren deserved. Jisarr sighed. \u201cI don’t know what else I could do to convince him that my <\/i>interest is genuine. I can’t rightfully say I don’t<\/i> feel that obligation, but I do miss the time he and I had together. It hurts me to see what he’s reduced to, though thank the Deep Ones he’s not such a dim shadow of himself as he was.<\/i>\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d she chuckled, \u201care you<\/i> convinced that I’ve developed some fondness for you?\u201d<\/p>\n
He couldn’t help but laugh in turn, rocking a little against her, his still-mostly-firm member stirring inside her. \u201cI’d be rather a fool to doubt it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo maybe you could treat him<\/i> to that,\u201d Rima suggested. \u201cLeave no doubt in his mind that you truly desire him, and see how he responds.\u201d<\/p>\n
That\u2026 was a shocking thought. At first, when the compelled need was so strong in Dren, Jisarr would never have considered it \u2013 there was no way he could be certain that Dren really wanted any of it; he hadn’t truly been in a state to consent. Or so Jisarr had thought. But Dren had<\/i> refused his advances once since\u2026<\/p>\n
Rima touched his nose gently. \u201cMaybe you need a chance to be normal<\/i> with him. Go to the market \u2013 never mind your means,\u201d she cut in when he drew breath. \u201cI have some silver set aside, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Tavi has a fund she’d think it quite proper to tap for such as this. For even a small chance that this will bring both<\/i> of you nearer to some semblance of normal, it’s well worth it. See what there is to see, bring him something, court him \u2013 and then remember that he is not<\/i> made of porcelain.\u201d Her lips brushed against his brow. \u201cFondness cracked the despair he’d walled himself in. It may be that passion \u2013 not lust alone, but something deeper and more personal \u2013 is what he needs to tear down what remains.\u201d<\/p>\n
In the darkness, Jisarr blinked. Could he truly have been going about this in precisely<\/i> the wrong way? He’d been so careful with Dren \u2013 could it be that what he needed to be was, if not reckless, at least not quite<\/i> so cautious? To accept<\/i> that, yes, Dren wanted him, and not be so worried about taking some pleasure out of it himself?<\/p>\n
To accept that he deserved<\/i> Dren’s good regard, that he wasn’t unworthy of it, instead of maligning the man’s choice by thinking he might be wrong in making it?<\/p>\n
Epiphany struck with all the force of a mailed fist and left him very nearly as dazed. \u201cI understand,\u201d he whispered. \u201cBy the deeps, I think I truly begin to understand.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In this excerpt to Jisarr’s ongoing tale, his most unexpected ally works to help him attain a more balanced view of his own past.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[12,84,16,82],"class_list":["post-555","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-legacy","tag-adult","tag-flash","tag-mf","tag-vaginal-sex"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/furry-tales.net\/shurhaian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/555","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/furry-tales.net\/shurhaian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/furry-tales.net\/shurhaian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/furry-tales.net\/shurhaian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/furry-tales.net\/shurhaian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=555"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/furry-tales.net\/shurhaian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/555\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":564,"href":"https:\/\/furry-tales.net\/shurhaian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/555\/revisions\/564"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/furry-tales.net\/shurhaian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=555"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/furry-tales.net\/shurhaian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=555"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/furry-tales.net\/shurhaian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=555"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}